December 18, 2007

• WADT... ~my journey to Dumb-dom~

  my trip to becoming a completely ignorant "man" started the day i got married...she was rather kind about telling me how i was not very educated in ways of the world, especially when it pertained to women...i would hear phrases like, "you just don't know how a girl thinks" (does anyone?), or "just ignore him, he doesn't know anything" (while pointing at me and laughing with the other salmon...so for the first few years of marriage, i just settled into my new role as a husband...that was until children came and i became a dad...

  i thought it was great that there was going to be someone in the home with fewer wrinkles in their cerebral cortex...and for a couple of days (while she was in the hospital with the newborn things) i enjoyed being the emperor in my kingdom...little did i know i would be the last one...i knew i didn't know anything about women...so for the next few years i was also told constantly how little i knew about babies...not just by my salmon, but by every single one that happened to spawn by on the way to the park or the mall...so my ignorance was reinforced by every breeding tattered salmon in my community also...
  
  i finally realized i really just did not know a single thing about anything...when my kids (yes, a repeated error of sorts showing "lesson not learned") began speaking this was ingrained in my "thick skull"...well i take that back...for the first few years, they would ask simple questions that i was able to handle...then came the more difficult ones like, "why does dodo smell bad?"...which seemed to bypass the ones i had studied for like, 'where do babies come from' and such...but when i told them dodo didn't smell good because if it did people, would call it candy...i would recieve (i before e except where?..ahhh, forget it) a severe tongue lashing from the king salmon...

  so, finally when the kids attained an educational level higher than me, in elementary school, they were able to communicate without reservation, phrases to the like of , "dad, you're so stupid...you're a dum-dum"...a far cry from the kindness of strange women and my new wife...well, this is just a brief synopsis of my trip to Dumb-dom...or as my kids would say to something i didn't know about pop culture, music, or computer games..."go look it up in 'Dumbo-pedia' dad"...and i would respond, "where's the Dumbo-pedia at?"

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  • 5:14 am
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