TAKE MY WIFE...PLEASE...she's light

TAKE MY JACKET...TOO...it's heavy

"union square" is an area in san francisco, where tourists gather to begin their excursion into the gayest town in the world...it is a one block park surrounded by great restaurants...amazing shopping...the famed cable cars...artisans of every persuasion...and innumerable "homeless technicians"

...i often take for granted that i am within 15 minutes away from this area by BART (bay area rapid transit - wear earplugs while traveling under the bay from oakland to the 'citay")

...i spent the past several days in union square to look at watches because i'm such a "whore-ologist" ...i knew i would meet some of the areas finest homeless technicians...so, i chose just the right jacket to wear there because it's usually very cold...

FAST FORWARD

...while eating my huge 12"X55" chicago slice of pizza and drinking my sf coke, i was approached by a technician...said tech guy stated he was hungry and could use a few bucks to purchase food...not wanting to part with any cash, at the moment, i still had a slab of pizza left the size of texas...even after eating from houston to mexico...so i said

..."i don't want to offend you, but would you like the rest of my giant slice of pizza?"

...said technician stated, "no, i just need money"

(i did not pursue the "hungry" reference)

...me: "but...but...butt...i do have half of texas left, and bush has not let the immigrants IN to take the best part...yet"

...him: "can i have $5?"

...me (really): "you can have my jacket"

jacket type: ski type "columbia" nylon but not gortex...appears new but not...good for keeping warm during cold sf nights

...him: "can i have $5" - not nicely

...me: you can have my pizza or my jacket

him walked away

i ate pizza remainder

on the way to BART, i got tired of holding my jacket, so i saw a nice person sitting on the sidewalk...apparently tired...prob from watching too much "charm school/flavor of love"

me: could you use a jacket?

her: sure

....i really hated carrying that jacket...it was hot...heavy...hot n heavy..like me...har

as i got on BART i thought, i should have saved the pizza for the nice person

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...got tagged by one of my favorite *canadians, SilverHeartz SilverHeartz to write some junk, but i altered it slightly...enjoy...har

write 7 random things involving me AND:

TOES: mine have been called "triangle toes" by loved ones...it might have to do with their shape  & of the bermuda triangle and it's unknown horrors

MUSIC: recent choices include...bossa nova and the pussycat dolls and fergie (i know, i know,  NAT asks me how can i?...but how does one control what pleases the senses and makes me DANCE?)

DEATH = an angiogram is where
they poke a hole in your femoral artery, feed a wire up to your heart,
and use dye to look at your heart, for clogged arteries/heart attacks etc....so. to close the
hole they recently started using something called an angioseal (tm)  to close the
puncture. since there is high blood pressure near the site, (you can
bleed out pretty fast)...the procedure is done while you are
awake, but you are drugged up to lessen the pain with narcotics and
benzodiazepines (tranquilizers), so one is extremely "loopy"

i  did hear, "fatitude, you're not supposed to have a heart attack at your age"

the angioseal is an anchor placed in your artery connected to an expanded
collagen 'plug'...right after my procedure, i was covered with a
blanket, while they prepared to send me back to the room...all of a
sudden i felt as if i were pissing my pants, (oh no, how
embarassing...what do i do?...i certainly don't want to tell
anyone...it's embarassing) i then felt warm liquid on top of my
thigh...(huh, how could i be pissing on my thigh?...shoot, i didn't
have a foley cath in my "giant monster"_ i reached down and saw my hand
was blood soaked...(dangit...bleeding...better raise my hand)...next
thing i heard, "thank you mr. fatitude for finding this...you were 60
seconds away from meeting jesus...(whew, i thought, i'm glad i know him)

...the seal failed

6TH GRADE: my 6th grade sweetheart broke my heart with a dear john letter while i was vacationing in hong kong, and my heart has never been the same ...recently this same girl asked me over to her house to 'talk' after seeing her at a high school reunion...ok,  ill go...what's next?

HAPPINESS: when the shy awkward child...the one that plays alone in the corner, and is ignored by his or her peers...and i can help them find their smile and just a little joy; that makes me happy ( i know, you ask if this was me...i was too busy kicking people's butts playing ball)

PARTYING: my first experience with peers drinking and doing 'pakalolo' was in 9th grade at the home of a very attractive japanese straight A student (no i did not)...but yes really, when i was 14

SOMETHING YOU'D NEVER ADMIT TO IN PUBLIC: is this public?

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chinese phrase of the day

nay tiii mutt yea?....................................................what you looking at?

(say it soft and it's a nice question...say it harsh, emphasizing the word "Tiii" and it's fighting words, like the ones you use when the jerks are staring at you...or the guy in the next car is watching you pick your nose)

lates!...oh and btw, my SO thinks my new gf is really really cute/hottttttt...i guess she's so-so...har

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*and of course 

  is my other favorite canadian...read her jazz... www.onetymerz.com/lagalleria/0507-holly.shtml

 
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.MISCELLANY

ok..I TAG JACKOJUNK.....hal4u...SUPEREXTRAGRAVITY...AND GRACE PARK - if you care to

(grace can disclose her responses o my personal private section...sorry if i spell you name wronged)

ADDO: mrs slut-o-verse is from japan...no, no,no....it shoulda been miss slovenia or miss pinoy

...and isn't it interesting how many comments girl's with "smokey eyes" make-up profile pics get?

...sexy i guess/...and dont forget to try to make your eyes look big!!!

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...i so believe in love again... ~swoon~  

...o to be gay for a day...skip...dance n prance...(where's my musicals?)

...watched the asian awards tonight...grace park (the MC) is my new gf...i told my SO this and she said, "again?"

...yep...again...ahhhhhhhhhhh...(sorry franksabunch...she's might be a bit too sexy for either of us...har)...

...i had a few priceless opportunities to spend socializing with several couples with babies over dinner and a picnic lunch recently...it was so interesting watching them in action...i usually would join the more masculine group and engage in talk about sex and fighting, but decided to do something different, this night, and spend time in the backyard with the fathers.

...here is a snap-shot of moments in the conversation with these MEN...
    
     "what do you do when your kids don't listen to you?"

     "my pastor was saying that men should start being more like...well, men"

     "what do you do when you don't agree with your wife?"

   (this is as true as the 3 hairs on my chest)

...while we were out there, sharing a kleenex, one of the sweet mothers (haha..sweet mothers sounds kinda funny) came out and told one of the fathers to give their 2 year old a bath, NOW. (sweet mother indeed)

as we sat in silence, waiting for her to leave, i noticed the men's knees were trembling ever so slightly...when she finally left, we all began to breath again. i know, i know...you're saying i have young children no longer...why was i affected the same as the shaken men?...it is because at one time i was a young dad also...i know the fear these men feel...i know it oh so well...OH SO WELL...(i thought, no way he's going to give that baby a bath right now, right in the middle of a dinner...no way)

YES...MEN RULE!!!

(after he finished giving the bath)

i thought...why couldn't i stand up and lead these men on to victory...to revolt...to a sort of regained dignity...why didn't i do it?...i ask and suffer these questions late at night..."i could have been a defender" = say it like brando...yes..i could have

...but i have fear...there, i said it...I HAVE FEAR...not had...but HAVE...present tense...when it comes to young mothers...those young mothers...they all know our pee-pees are not as big as we so often claim.

(i can say this for it is no longer their day, and there is none near me)...scorn you young mothers!)

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...so the next fun excursion,  i decide to spend with the B...(oops, forgot this was G rated)...how about the Broads...they are entangled in deep conversation about a subject near and dear to my...well, for lack of another word...my PEE-PEE...(well, not EXACTLY my-own one a dose thangs)..but that's sorta what the conversation was about...

...what should they have their babies call their pEE-PEEs....HUH?...wth?...one girl says it's a WINKY....to another it's a BUM-BUM...a WEE-WEE...a LITTLE FRIEND...and so on and so on...

...one girl is adamant that it should be called exactly what it is...EXACTLY...A HOTDOG...

...so of course i have to tell them all WADT and say i think they should just call it something simple and pleasant, that's innocent and easy to say...pleasiing...non-corrosive...handy...likeable...like what you call your favorite uncle who lives in the state hospital (napa or bellview)...

...i tell them they should call it exactly what i call mine...

...MISTER GIANT two Headed MONSTER...(they no laugh-ed...but stared at me...the kind of staring that says, "go away!")

------

i wonder what strange names oher's call their baby's MR2?

...i first learned to say the mother of all swear words when i was in elementary school, playing football...

...when you are playing any sport, it's useful to have a few cuss words handy to show people you are not happy with your team's progress...the only sport that swearing is not good is in high diving...after your lackluster dive, the words will all sound like bubbles under water...and if you save them for when you surface, it will be too late for total swear word effectiveness(TSWE...not a stock)...and people will know you're just swearing for the heck of it

...i could swear with my football friends and not swear with my christian friends...but HORSE-HOCKEY, when my religious friends played football...the worlds collided...i noticed that some of my christian friends started cussing....WTH?...so from then on i knew christians should stick to diving

...swearing was really helpful in policework too...when arresting a 250 pound cut ex felon with a knife or gun, a couple of cuss words will make him wonder if you, the cop, is really crazy or not...

...my wife swears...enough said... (because i can erase this before she gets home, and i won't gettum in BIG trouble...)...she swears when she drops something...she drops a lot of things...one time, she dropped something in front of our kids...o crap...violation of house rules..TSWE...

...my computer (macbook) will speak anything i type...so i wait for the kids to leave the house and type in the foulest language an apple has ever uttered...a person hearing it might think my computer plays a lot of football...but not very well

...when my SO hears me doing this, she says, "can you make it louder?"...(really)

i wonder if others make their computers swear and say bad things...i even made it say the 'p' word...

**CENSORSHIP is really interesting in the USA...we seem to be molded by the censors and movie rating system as to what is ok to say...and what is not...i'm glad the violence and suffering and dying and torturing and sex (yah, how could i forget sex?) is not censored in the bible...there's quite a bit of violence, sex, and death in there, and i'm glad we understand the reality of the things described...it would be plain silly to make the stories in the bible, that contain all this censorable stuff, downplayed or even funnier yet, into children's stories.**

...imagine that?...noah, the destruction of all life on earth by drowning...as a "children's story"...will never happen...har...

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my first FINGER giving experience...(@  7 years old?)...

...i was practicing the 'finger' in the bath tub...when my older brother walked in...he said something mean to me and i 'gave him my virgin 'finger'...he started crying and ran off...i started laughig...naked...still holding the 'finger'... i said to myself..."OMG...THIS REALLY WORKS?!?!?"

...

(...at least that's how i'd like to remember it...actually, he said i was going to get in BIG trouble when he told MOMMY on me ...i got scared and put my finger away...(but alas, i'm giving him one now...har))

sorry boys and girls, but that photo was taken from a yahoo image search for "glock" (photo #4 see fo youself)...

i thought you would have known as i had mentioned my wenis was badly scraped up by that junk motorcycle...then i realized, the person's wenis is held high in the air, and out of the picture, by that poser...

my belly is not yet pierced also...and my zhammers are not as firm as i suspect hers are...i suspect...but i do have a gun just like that in my pants, under my shirt...my gun is bigger though, i suspect

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1 worthless bit of info: a study today states tomatoes provide no help to prevent prostate cancer, so you may stop using them

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WADT...   ~this is why i'm hot - mims~

...tagged (many moons ago) by liquid_s and disillusionisreal to disclose 5 weird things and answer some tings..so will do so now...really really fast...

1. ...had 1st gf in 6th grade and yes it was real love

2. ...2nd toe is longer than others the way normal people should be

3. ...i can drop dog poo on chinese people from 14 stories high 24/7

4. ...i am the ugliest and hottest chinese man with a xanga

5. ...i can make my SO pee in her pants by laughing 24/7 OR pee in my own pants without laughing 24/7

6. Post a picture that is worth a 1,000 words:

7. Write a limerick about a Xangan that you admire. Include reasons why you admire this Xangan in your limerick.

LATITUDE ATTITUDE GRATITUDE,
WHAT YA GONNA DO

WHAT DAD THINKS, WHY DAD STINKS,
HE'S GOT A LOT A POO

READ 'EM AND WEEP, EAT 'EM AND SLEEP,
ONLY ONE THING TO SAY

BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY...BOOTY ALL THE WAY.

808808808080808080808080808080808080808080808080808080808080808080808080808080808080808080808080

I TAG YOU

(real-life problem #52684534532464343 for dads)

...just because your daughter dresses like a whore slash slut... does not necessarily, 100% of the time, mean for sure...for positive, that she IS a whore slash slut...she just "probably is" one...that's all (whew!)

...what's a dad to do when his little baby princess comes dowNstairs, sliding down her brass pole, right into the living room...with this and that hanging out AND sprinkled with glitter...with this navel and that thingamajig pierced...wearing a bebe pink baby doll shirt the size of my playboy centerfold, that spells out over that braless hoochie area..."slut slash whore in here?"...not to mention the faux leatherette micro mini with those clamp thingys on the sides to hold those stocking thins...add one pair of clear plastic come hither 34" heels...

...what if she did this right in front of company?...your right winged, republican non swearing holier than a cow minister and his ever so prudish judgemental wife, who just happened to visit you, asking for donations to their upcoming seminar titled, "sex?...don't you dare you sinners!"

...your normal asian dad reaction would be to yell at her and say, "YOU GO SLIDE RIGHT BACK UP THAT POLE AND CHANGE INTO SOMETHING MORE APPROPRIATE YOUNG LADY!"...a few unintelligible words in chinese would be fine right here too...

...but dads...this has never worked...it didn't work in the 60's with the advent of the mini-skirt...it didn't work last week with your histrionic ho wife...and it didn't work an hour ago, when all she was wearing different were more modest earrings...we must be bold men...we must be creative...innovative...pro-active and well organized...here is the latest approach dads should take to remedy this freak of nature...when the little prostitute ho comes giggling and sliding down that brass stripper pole (based on my months of study in west oakland with 34 whack crack slut whores) you are to say...

..."whoa baby...nice outfit...it's hot...you're hot...the reverend and the misses think you're hot... and that sexy harlot clothes let's everyone know who's got a greatest pimp...oh baby...have fun out there tonight...fun on the streets AND maybe in the drunk tank...and baby, don't forget your 15 inch high see through hooker shoes and don't you never ever forget, sweetie...who's your DADDdy!"

(then start *crumping and shakin your bootay while singing, 'this is why i'm hot.")

good luck with with your princess sluts!

*i might need to know what crumping is from some flavor of love lovah

ADD: this munsch story reminds me of my mom who died on march 19, 1989 at 3:05 am...i remember it like it happened yesterday...a week prior, cancer had ravaged her body...she weighed about 80 pounds, and we went to a chinese herbalist's home for treatment in china hill...she was so weak, i had to carry her up the stairs and could not believe she was so light...i can't help but remember the many times she carried me to bed from the car when i was a kid...the times i pretended to be asleep...

(new hope church in hawaii streams a short presentation of this story @ ... www.enewhope.org/video/index.php?video=466)

I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be...

I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
my Mommy you'll be.

~ robert munsch~

jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj

dear mom,

...this week is your birthday...i think i
remember it so easily because it's so close to mine...i miss you...but
you already know that because i tell you that so often...sometimes when
i'm sitting on the beach, looking out at the curvature of the horizon
over the ocean, i think of you...i wonder if you could hear me...i
wonder if you could hear my thoughts...i like thinking of you...i like
remembering the times you looked at me with "those" eyes...you didn't
say anything, but i knew what you were saying....and
thinking.....thanks mom

...remember the times i faked like i was sick
and didn't want to go to school?...i always wonder if you knew i put
the thermometer on a light bulb to pretend i had a fever...i guess you
must have known, because it probably showed i had a temp of 110 degrees
many times ...and you always let me stay home...i did miss school a
lot...and you never complained or got on my case once...i guess that's
the benefit of having older brothers and sisters that put you through
your early parenting trials before me...

...mom, i wish so much that you could see
tim, nat, and aaron right now...they are so much like you...they remind
me of you sometimes...when i'm in their rooms, when they're sleeping, i
just stare at their faces and i swear sometimes i can see you...you'd
be so proud of them..they are great kids...your grandkids...i know how
much you liked to rub their little feet as babies, and i have always
done that for you...i also rub their heads and backs to comfort them
when they are tired or sick...they call me almost every day on the cell
phone just to say hey daddio...and joni shows them the same kind of
kindness you had, and they learn about you through her...she's a great
mom, just like you..

...i like thinking of you mom...remember how
i promised you i would take care of dad...well, he's doing good
now...he just got back from china today, and he's pretty healthy...he
misses you a lot too...

...well, mom, happy birthday...i'll remember
to eat my greens, and wear my jacket to keep warm...and i'll keep the
salted plum intake to a minimum...NOT....hahahaha...i love
you....dennis (nattie calls me fatitude...har)...

(nat, A found my cell and my wenis/back is better now,(sry i mssed calls) so yes i can getoutta bed...har har)

(con't)

...i have never seen this body part of mine so BIG, in my entire life...it was
swollen up huger than ever...i think it was filling up with
fluid...lots of fluid... and when i looked down at it, i was so shocked
at the size of it, i said @#$% under my breath...what if someone saw
it?...what if A saw it?...it was sticking out so much, so unusally
gi-normous, i knew for sure every single person in chinatown would see
it...and i knew as soon as they laid their eyes on it, they would
scream..scream out in fright...in holy
terror...shoot...shoot...shoot...i may have permanently damaged it...my
dang wenis is never going to be the same...shoot...shoot...shoot...oh
no...and now it's changing color...

...i must have landed right
on my wenis...i'm sure glad my wenis hit the ground first...i think my
wenis broke my fall...dangit...i think i must have scraped my wenis on
the pavement too...i sure hope i didn't break my wenis...well, i guess
it's ok if i messed up my wenis because i have 2 wenises...or do i have
2 wenii?...i guess everyone has 2 wenises...one wenis on each side of
their body...you could use one wenis as a turn signal to turn
right...and if you stick your left wenis out the car window, it's a
signal to turn left...but i guess it's kinda hard to stick your right
wenis out the window...that's unless you're super flexible with your
right wenis...or if you have a right wenis that is huge and sticks out
a lot, you could use your wenis as a turn signal...but make sure they see your wenis before you turn...

...oh man, i hope i didn't break my wenis...then i'd have to put my wenis in a sling...i wonder if they sell wenis splints and wenis slings at long's?...

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

urban dictionary defines wenis as;

2. Wenis
390 up, 71 down
The skin that covers the tip of your elbow. The wenis lacks sensitivity and can withstand all types of abuse.

*The skin on the inside of your elbow is known as a wagina.*

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CANTONESE CHINESE LESSON #808 - review

lie new..................................................................................take a leak

lie see....................................................................................take a dump

ghow see (pronounced 'how' with a 'g')................................dog poo

chow see ................................................................................stanky poo

sick see...................................................................................eat poo

dai laing see............................................................................big pretty poo

see tow................................................................................poo head

yum see..............................................................................drink poo

(oh you can't drink poo...that's stupid...yah, ignore the last one because it's a dumb thing to say)

...how does that saying go?...do as i say, and as...i mean, do not as i say, but do do...no, not dodo...well, you know that hypocrates oath that thepeople...no that's the doctor's thing...i mean that bible verse in matthew that says that thing about pointing out a piece of wood in someone's eyeball, when you see, no i mean, could build some log cabin...ahhh forget it, moving on...

...so i'm learning that it's important for us dads to not only set examples for our kids regarding the things that we tell them to do...those everyday things we tell them...well those hourly things that we so gently "remind" them...in order for them to survive and get through the difficulties of life...i have to remind them not to let their father be a hypocrite...yeah..that's it...and this is an important life lesson for them...

rule #99b: do not let your father be a hypocrite

practicum:

so A and i decided to take the new used motorcycle out for a ride to practice, since he just got his m1 class 4 license in the mail...(fyi - the bike is a 1934 suzuki 250cc, well that's what it feels like)

naturally his father, (that's me we think) must speak the fatherly motorcycle lessons...remember to always wear a helmet...wear boots or heavy shoes, gloves, and other safety clothing such as a motorcycle jacket and pants (if possible) just in case you "go down"...A says, "OKAY DAD"...next comes many examples of what can happen on a bike, including motorcycle accident pictures andvideos, i happen to b e carrying around, in my wallet...then rides for a while while i watch and wait, and spout off other "life lessons from dad"

(just so you get an accurate picture i will describe my clothing...very hawaiian-esqe...a UC irvine t-shirt...tan docker shorts...flip-flops)

FAST-FORWARD

the swelling has gone down quite a bit...but was the size of a tennis ball...and i surmise, the skin will grow back in a few weeks...crap

kids, do not let your dad become a hypocrite...99b

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A quick CHINESE cantonese lesson #3 4U

chuen-yun............................................................................................................stupid people

dai-low....................................................................................................................big boss

gong-tau-low..(tau is pronounced like how with a T )................................................bald guy

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##(mon.: nat...cant find my phone..so cant call you back...danit)